Trapped

Living in Hong Kong during the summer months are absolutely awful. It's too hot to go outside and the apartments are so small that you feel trapped, at least I feel that way. I hate it. 

I can't even go outside for a wall with Ella without nearly fainting of overheating after just a few minutes. And yes, I am unusually sensitive to heat. Going for a walk is supposed to be easy, it's not easy in Hong Kong during summer. I'm miserable... 

We had to give up one of our lovely rabbits for adoption, so Liam is currently living at our vet office. The office is a leisurely 20 mins walk from home, but in this heat it becomes impossible to get there without sweat soaked through my clothes and a pounding headache from overheating so I won't do it. It really sucks. 

People tell me; walk around in one of the many malls! Sure that's a good idea and obviously the only way right now, but then it becomes a project, taking public transportation, planning for diaper changes, feeding, and usually end up buying something I didn't really need etc. Just leaving from home for a walk doesn't require much planning since I'll be close to home, and there aren't much for sale in the parks. 

And you know, sometimes it's nice to go outside, I feel bad for Ella for not being able to take her to the park, see trees and flowers... but that just won't happen in the summer in Hong Kong. 

I had to vent, I wish things were different... Sigh...

The dream house (I wish)

I have a Facebook-friend with a house they made their own. They modified the house to their needs and wants with a pretty big garden. To me it sounds perfect and made me think of my dream home. 

I wish I found that house for our family, you know that one house that felt just right, and you knew it would mold in to your needs. Preferably the house should be outside the city, but not too far. I would want to be able to take the car or ride a bike in to town. I want the grocery store fairly close, a bonus would be a farmers market each week to buy fresh veggies and fruit that are in season. 

The house is free standing, with character. It doesn't have to be new, or old, but it must feel right. Perhaps there is a playground close by, where the kids can go play. 

Although I don't like cooking, I want the kitchen to be a big open space, with view and access to the living room, and a patio. I want a dish washer, big drawers and cupboards to easily fit all our kitchen utensils. There are a lot of working surfaces, and I can display our beautiful red Kitchen Aid and coffee maker (French press). I imagine that even I would enjoy cooking in such a beautiful kitchen. 

I haven't quite worked out the other rooms, but I know I want the kitchen and living room to be the heart of the house. Yes, there will be a big screen tv. 

I see white walls with bright colored paintings and accessories. I see white airy curtains hanging in front of the door to the patio, moving in the fresh breeze. 

Outdoors I see a storage room in the yard, and a nice big garage, and a shaded outdoor seating area. 

I'm sure I just described a typical modern house in Sweden, and perhaps what I described is a bit 2000-and-late, but it is what I want. I wonder if we ever get there, and where in the world it would be, eventually... 

Why don't I pay more attention?

I have never before been riding so much taxi in Hong Kong since Ella was born. We were just not comfortable taking her on the public transport. Of course, having our own car would be great, but at the same time it's not that convenient to drive and park in this city.

As I was sitting in a taxi I was wondering if I ever been driven by the same taxi driver twice? With many thousands of taxis in Hong Kong I don't think it is very likely. Although I cannot say I have ever really paid attention to what the driver looks like, except that it is a man. So far I have never had a female taxi driver, but I know they exist.

Even if I have been in the same taxi twice I wouldn't have noticed. On the other hand, does the taxi driver recognize his clients?

The new mommy life

It's just amazing how life changes after a baby enters. I know, people told me all the time, but you really don't understand until it's your turn. Not only life and habits change, priorities change too. All of a sudden it's more about baby Ella than myself. Naturally her needs are put first. Next week she turns three months, time flies.

I always thought of myself as a city person, I need to be where things happen. With baby Ella in my life my previous priorities and preferences of where to live seem to have changed. The thought of Ella not being able to grow up in a house, with a yard and the possibility to play with neighboring kids scares me. Is Hong Kong really the right place to raise kids? I would be very unfair if I say you can't raise kids here, people do it all the time. But when you grew up in a boring but very safe environment of a small town it seems cruel to have to grow up in a tiny, cramped apartment on the 16th floor with only scheduled playdates. However, as long as we live in Hong Kong I don't think there will be any possibilities of a house. Let's see if the compromise of a floor in a three-storey village house outside the city works as a substitute.

Also, after my 10 weeks of maternity leave I realized there is no way I can leave this precious girl in the arms of a stranger and I quit my job. It did feel a bit sad as I did enjoy it a lot. Money-wise will be a bit scarce, but it must be worth it. If we can live on one salary for awhile so I can stay home with Ella, then that is the best solution. I feel blessed to be able to do that.

Life changes, and that is a good thing. As my dad always say, "Kids are the reason to live" (or something like that), and he's absolutely right!

Hospital

Last Monday I woke up right before the alarm. It felt like I peed myself. Only half awake I went to the bathroom. As I look down I see my underwear filled with blood and water. I woke up immediately and got scared as hell. So did Honey. 

We packed a bag to stay in the hospital and took a taxi. The procedure here is to go straight to the hospital if something like this happen. I was admitted right away. 

By the time I got to the hospital, the bleeding had stopped. But they did still do all kinds of checks. They made me stay one night for observation. As they found nothing wrong and all the tests came back normal they let me go the next day, with bed rest at home. My goodness...

This was the second bleeding incident so I got extra worried. But everything was fine. They don't even know what caused it. My placenta is very low and the bleeding could be it moving. Which works for me as I prefer a natural birth. But that's only possible if there isn't a placenta laying covering the exit. 

But staying in the hospital is boring, ultra boring. We are not allowed to charge the phones or computers in the outlets, and no tv. I also forgot to bring a book in the stress to get to the hospital. 

I don't see myself as a person who worry too much, but apparently pregnancy comes with paranoia. Now I'm getting worried about everything, constantly feeling and looking. Don't want anything to go wrong of course. 

I am now in  week 28, so if there is something serious and she must come out prematurely, it's a big chance she survives. Feels good. 

When the doctor discharged me she said if the bleeding happens again they may admit me until the baby is born. That would be horrible. I plan on staying healthy and not bleeding until it's time to deliver. I hope my body agrees to that. 

View from the hospital bed. 

Tuesday in November

Tuesday November 12… Could there be another more boring day than this? It’s Tuesday, the worst day of the week to start with, and then November, middle of November even. It’s grey and raining in Hong Kong. It’s the kind of day that never really wakes up. The sun never made it through the thick clouds. Everyone in the office look a bit worn out, I’m no exception, I probably look even worse after a really bad night’s sleep with dreams about our baby, and about dolls. It was a bit freaky, that’s all I remember.

 

To brighten it up, here is a sunshine picture of my wittle girl, my hairy baby, my Miss Poo, Gunvor, Ding Ding… I’m so glad she’s in my life :). 

 

I'm fat

I’m pregnant, and I’m getting fat, I know I am supposed to get fat, I have something wonderful growing inside me. But I cannot stop obsessing over my body… When I read online it’s apparently common that pregnant women are obsessing over their bodies. But friends with babies… HOW COME I have NEVER HEARD any one of you complain about getting fat? I feel very self-absorbed for even thinking about my well-being (of being fat or not) instead of just focus on having a healthy baby… But I wanted to write this to let you know that we exist!

Yes, I have been obsessed about my body for many years, why do you think I work out so hard? Now with the pregnancy I don’t have the strength left to work out after all my hours at work. It’s sad. I tried to go to the gym once a week, just for some easy weight-lifting and end up being completely exhausted, and cardio is not even on the table, unless it’s a walk in moderate tempo. Apparently my body needs to focus 100% on producing our baby, and not for me to even try to stay fit right now. I see it as a defeat. Being a strong and independent woman I thought I would handle being pregnant while still going on with my life as nothing happened. How stupid of me... I have pelvis pain, heartburn, headaches, skin irritation, fatigue, dizziness, difficult to breathe, swollen feet, cannot drink coffee (it tastes bad!) or eat sushi but at least I'm healthy :). And I haven't gone through the worst part yet! 

One thing is for sure, I cannot wait to meet our girl (two different doctors confirmed it's a girl). I know it will be worth all the suffering I go through, I just do. :) ❤️