Free time?

All of a sudden today I had a couple of hours to myself. I was done with a small job of recording and Ella was playing happily at her grandparents. I didn't have to be back for another couple of hours. How nice, right? 

Instead of enjoying my time off I felt the stress of not using that time to work on the magazine that I volunteer for and that is due next week. I felt the areas of not being able to work on my resume and send out job applications. I need to set up a website as a portfolio of what I've done if I want to work with layout. I haven't even started. I felt the stress of not being able to applying to an online course to be able to teach English (as a back up plan if I don't get a job that I actually want). My gosh, I felt stress because I hadn't foreseen this gap and planned for this. Or at least bring work out clothes...

The stress! It's there. What did I end up doing? I ate an early lunch and had a cup of coffee all to myself. I took the tram and ended up walking back to my in-laws. There was nothing I could do so I tried to enjoy the time. It's precious... 

Ella playing happily at her grand parents ❤️. 

When will it be my turn?

I got a phone call today. It was from the job I have applied for. I really really wanted this job. It is perfect for me! But I found out I was the runner up. No, I didn't get the job. I was soooooo disappointed that I cried a little. I tried to stay positive, and I really tried to keep my hopes down. But I just felt like I was going to make it. I didn't...

This rejection triggered something in me. I am waiting for my life to get on track. I feel like I'm still struggling to find a balance. This job was my way to get started doing just that. I know I put a lot of emphasis in a job, and it wasn't that big of a deal, just a part time customer service job, but still...

When I realized I wanted to tell someone about my disappointment I noticed something else. I don't have any close friends left. I have moved so many times that I have many friends, just no close friends. I have my family, they are my closest friends now, but outside that, no one. It made me feel lonelier and even more like a failure.

I've been in Hong Kong for three years and I still feel like I'm looking for my place. I've gotten married, gave birth to a wonderful daughter, but I'm still not where I'm supposed to be. When am I going to find my place? When will I get the job I want and that will make me thrive? I'm still looking, I'm still hoping and working towards my lucky break. I know I will get there, and I know it requires work. I'm not afraid of that, I just want to get there. I deserve it, I do, I do...

Clever little thing

Going to the bathroom when you're out and about by yourself and the little one can be pretty tricky. Usually I just let Ella hang on me while I balance and try to pee. It works. But she's pretty darn heavy to be carried now. 

Yesterday I ran in to his clever little thing in a bathroom stall in one of Hong Kong's many shopping malls. It's like a high chair by the toilet. Soon easy and genius! Then I don't have to carry her, or have to put her on the floor worrying about all the grossness she can touch in there while I'm immobilized doing my business. 

So simple, and exactly what we moms need. I hope there is such thing in the men's room as well :). 

Baby hostile

I'm not done whining... Hong Kong must be among the world's most UNfriendliest baby city in the world. Previously when it wasn't so hot and Ella wasn't so heavy I carried her everywhere in the Baby Bjorn carrier. Super convenient and easy. Now it's a bit too hot so I started using the stroller more. But my goodness the problems I run in to... There are stairs everywhere!!! First you have to go up stairs, to then go down stairs, like a stair hill... And finding elevators isn't an easy task. Honey told me it's just a few years ago when the government decided that all new buildings must have wheelchair access, which means most buildings in Hong Kong aren't built to be accessed by stroller or wheelchair.

It pisses me off that it has to be so complicated just to get somewhere with a stroller in Hong Kong. It's almost like you get punished for bringing your baby out and about. Yup, that's Hong Kong.

Okay, I'm going to try something new, instead of whine, think about something positive, like I have a wonderful daughter!

Peace out bitches...

Trapped

Living in Hong Kong during the summer months are absolutely awful. It's too hot to go outside and the apartments are so small that you feel trapped, at least I feel that way. I hate it. 

I can't even go outside for a wall with Ella without nearly fainting of overheating after just a few minutes. And yes, I am unusually sensitive to heat. Going for a walk is supposed to be easy, it's not easy in Hong Kong during summer. I'm miserable... 

We had to give up one of our lovely rabbits for adoption, so Liam is currently living at our vet office. The office is a leisurely 20 mins walk from home, but in this heat it becomes impossible to get there without sweat soaked through my clothes and a pounding headache from overheating so I won't do it. It really sucks. 

People tell me; walk around in one of the many malls! Sure that's a good idea and obviously the only way right now, but then it becomes a project, taking public transportation, planning for diaper changes, feeding, and usually end up buying something I didn't really need etc. Just leaving from home for a walk doesn't require much planning since I'll be close to home, and there aren't much for sale in the parks. 

And you know, sometimes it's nice to go outside, I feel bad for Ella for not being able to take her to the park, see trees and flowers... but that just won't happen in the summer in Hong Kong. 

I had to vent, I wish things were different... Sigh...

The dream house (I wish)

I have a Facebook-friend with a house they made their own. They modified the house to their needs and wants with a pretty big garden. To me it sounds perfect and made me think of my dream home. 

I wish I found that house for our family, you know that one house that felt just right, and you knew it would mold in to your needs. Preferably the house should be outside the city, but not too far. I would want to be able to take the car or ride a bike in to town. I want the grocery store fairly close, a bonus would be a farmers market each week to buy fresh veggies and fruit that are in season. 

The house is free standing, with character. It doesn't have to be new, or old, but it must feel right. Perhaps there is a playground close by, where the kids can go play. 

Although I don't like cooking, I want the kitchen to be a big open space, with view and access to the living room, and a patio. I want a dish washer, big drawers and cupboards to easily fit all our kitchen utensils. There are a lot of working surfaces, and I can display our beautiful red Kitchen Aid and coffee maker (French press). I imagine that even I would enjoy cooking in such a beautiful kitchen. 

I haven't quite worked out the other rooms, but I know I want the kitchen and living room to be the heart of the house. Yes, there will be a big screen tv. 

I see white walls with bright colored paintings and accessories. I see white airy curtains hanging in front of the door to the patio, moving in the fresh breeze. 

Outdoors I see a storage room in the yard, and a nice big garage, and a shaded outdoor seating area. 

I'm sure I just described a typical modern house in Sweden, and perhaps what I described is a bit 2000-and-late, but it is what I want. I wonder if we ever get there, and where in the world it would be, eventually... 

Why don't I pay more attention?

I have never before been riding so much taxi in Hong Kong since Ella was born. We were just not comfortable taking her on the public transport. Of course, having our own car would be great, but at the same time it's not that convenient to drive and park in this city.

As I was sitting in a taxi I was wondering if I ever been driven by the same taxi driver twice? With many thousands of taxis in Hong Kong I don't think it is very likely. Although I cannot say I have ever really paid attention to what the driver looks like, except that it is a man. So far I have never had a female taxi driver, but I know they exist.

Even if I have been in the same taxi twice I wouldn't have noticed. On the other hand, does the taxi driver recognize his clients?